Today’s blog post is a link back to my guest blog post on Betty’s Battleground! I don’t usually link back to guest blog posts I write (or when I do, I do it after the blog post), but I have a migraine, and honestly guys…I’m exhausted. I’m tense and my neck is stiff and my stomach is in knots. I’ve really been slacking on self-care. I’m moving in a month (yay! closer to where I will be going to school in the Fall), and getting my financial situation ready has been draining me. Exciting stuff is happening. I am so happy and thankful, but my head feels like it’s going to explode. Plus, I am really proud of this guest blog post, so I thought just for today, I’ll let this be the blog post. It is part of a guest post series on those who live, love, and work with the mentally ill. It’s about being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD and how that interacts with my schizoaffective disorder. Here is an excerpt:
“When I thought of PTSD before I met my Justin, I pictured an angry man choking his partner in her sleep. I saw fits of rage. I thought of dramatic scenes in movies after a soldier has come home from war. But this is not what PTSD is like in my relationship. It is much more subtle, slithering its way around me and my partner like a deadly snake. It is a quiet and eerie feeling that develops like a brick wall between me and him until he becomes unreachable.
In the beginning, it was the small but constant anxiety he gave off every night when we were getting into bed to go to sleep. He seemed to be scared of me. I am half his weight. What did I do? What could I do? We’d only been together six months. Was he already sick of me?
Pretty soon, he started asking if we could sleep in separate beds. Isn’t that for old people? Or people who don’t love each other? I thought. My feelings were hurt, but I was descending deeper and deeper into psychosis, a symptom of my own illness. A month later, and I was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar type schizoaffective disorder, a mood disorder accompanied by symptoms of schizophrenia. When I got out of the hospital, Justin confided in me that he had remembered something he had blocked out long ago. Some memories had resurfaced…”
August Blair is the founder of Survival is a Talent. She is a freelance writer, blogger, and student. Her biggest passion is being a mental health advocate. She loves reading, sweets, and warm weather. A story about her life with schizophrenia has been published in the next volume of The i’Mpossible Project. It is available for pre-order and will be in stores November 2017. You can connect with her on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.